LENA Dunham has penned a revealing essay on loneliness five months after splitting from boyfriend of five years Jack Antonoff.
Writing for US Vogue, the Girls star and creator described the moment she and Antonoff decided to end their relationship, and how she was forced to confront her fear of being alone.
‚ÄúWe sat in our shared kitchen of nearly four years and quietly faced each other, acknowledging what nobody wanted to say,‚ÄĚ she wrote.
‚ÄúThat obsessive connection had turned to blind devotion, and the blinders were coming off to reveal that we had evolved separately (the least shocking reason of all and perhaps the most common). That anger wasn‚Äôt sexy or sustainable. That our hearts were still broken from trying so hard to fix it but no longer uncertain about whether or not we could. The finality nearly killed me, and I remember muttering, ‚ÄėBut what if we still went on dates?‚Äô He laughed sadly. ‚ÄėWhatever you want.‚Äô‚ÄĚ
Dunham, 31, said the split opened up some old wounds from a previous relationship, where she struggled to give her then boyfriend space.
‚ÄúRather than embrace the solo time, I would sit in my own bedroom, filled with desperate, sickened longing,‚ÄĚ she wrote.
‚ÄúOne night I so convinced myself of the wrongness of our separation that I biked as fast as I could … and landed on his doorstep weeping. He offered me tea and counsel, then sent me home ‚ÄĒ admirable boundaries ‚ÄĒ but having had a taste of domesticity, I was almost chemically changed, rewired.‚ÄĚ
Since Lena and musician Jack broke up in December, he has denied rumours he‚Äôs romantically involved with Lorde.
Despite Lorde recently revealing she and Jack ‚ÄúFaceTime almost every day‚ÄĚ, and Dunham deleting a photo of Lorde and Jack from her Instagram account, he insisted the reports are
‚Äúdumb hetero normative gossip‚ÄĚ.
‚ÄúNormally I would never address rumours but I resent having the most important friendships and working relationships in my life reduced to dumb hetero normative gossip,‚ÄĚ he said.
‚ÄúThose relationships are deeply important and sacred. With that said, I‚Äômm not seeing anyone. lol,‚ÄĚ he tweeted.